beyond pixels and bytes

it all started one quiet evening when the very familiar (ding!) reverbrated across the room. The yellow icon and the smiley with the familiar ASL. mr. smiley could have never been happier. night after night, adrianne and tamiya man burned the midnight oil. asl turned to how-was-your-day to you-know-what until i-think-im-falling-for-you. the faceless individuals turned into megapixels of images. beyond these, only the two can decipher the feelings emanating from the images. "so this is love...hmm...hmm...hmm. so this is what they call...." as one prince charming sang to his princess.

late night chats extended til the morning. chats turned into surprise overseas calls. emailed pictures turned into not-so-real-time images from the webcam. written ILYs turned into spoken "i love you." these all seem like scenes out of you've got mail. adrianne is shopgirl, tamiya man is ny152. she is kelly and he is joe.

the break then happened. this is nothing new to people who can't buy the idea of two individuals from 2 different cultures, two continents and divided by the pacific ocean share a bond beyond imagination. but alas, love is indeed strong. it can travel across at least 6,560 miles, 1,024 kilobytes per second, and 12 email exchanges a day.

this is the story of shirly and paul.

'nuff said.

c")love

Past 10PM, Dec2004

It's past 10PM already, and as usual, here I am in an internet cafe, waiting for his reply to my email. It has been this same arrangement for the past 5 days already, since I got here to our "jungle"...
Well, it's a happy setup, I can say for now...and now, I'm waiting for him to log in from work...and continue with our email exchanges...Haaaay...nothing beats 10 to 12 emails from him every night. All other things are just secondary to me. And best of all, if he were here by my side, nothing else matters. As Dido beautifully puts it: "And even if my house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue...because you're near me."
And to quote him, You know what, if i was with you, as long as i have you, nothing else would matter. I know money is important and you need it to live, but i would rather have someone love me and care for me, than have alot of money:)
Ang haba ng hair ko!!!
Fireworks and more more fireworks for New Year's Eve and for the rest of 2005 (hopefully!)
Happy New Year everyone!

L.A.

Love actually...grabe!
Well, the movie with the same title just triggers the romantic side in us...
Lovella just said it all...and i second the motion.
My fave character in the story? well, that's a tough choice...it's a toss between Aurelia / Colin Firth character and Sarah/Carl...a choice between the happy and sad endings...
'Nuff said...

Love Actually

It is not about me. It is about a movie I think best watched during the Christmas season. It is about love (obviously) but not solely focused on romantic love (if this is the case, the movie is best viewed during Vday). It is so heartwarming that is apt for the Christmas season. The first and the last scenes (and a scene in between) make you wanna pack your bags and head to the nearest airport. Awww..

I admit, I got a kilig feeling in some of the scenes that focused on romantic love. But then, not all ro. loves have happy endings. Take the case of Sarah and Carl. Shit talaga. You think that if Sarah got it on with Carl, they will live happily ever after? Their story is the case of blood is stronger that water. How you wish one has a sister like Sarah that would forego her own happiness just to answer your incessant phone calls. The other "lovestory" I like is the one with Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman. It breaks my heart when Emma's character learned that she got that Joni Mitchell's CD instead of that necklace that she saw in her husband's pocket. She was crying her eyes out in the bedroom while Both Sides Now was playing. Ansakit. Then when she faced her kids and husband, you will think that nothing happened a few minutes ago. Gosh. Ouch. Then there is the story about the two bestfriends and a girl. During the first few scenes, I thought the Caucasian guy is "bading" and so in love with his best friend. When later..actually, while watching the video footage he took during his best friend's wedding, you later realized he is inlove with his bestfriend's wife (Bestfriend is so damn lucky, he got Keria Knightley as a wife). And the scene on the doorsteps with a storyboard goes up to the top of the most kilig. Man, maybe someone could do that for me (while I am still single. Hehehe).

Of course there are happy endings. With the story of the Prime Minister and Natalie - you wish that guys (even with ala High Grant looks) will forego your size and look into your beauty within. Every other girl (or every other other girl) can relate to Natalie's "gift." That she is Plumpy - to her family, she is "getting fat that is why he broke up with me" - to her ex boyfriend and she "wears very large clothes" - to her colleagues. Of course, they have a happy ending. What about the adult film actors. Even when they "did" it on film, they still yet to feel real love (and sex with feelings). It kinda funny that when they were doing those "bed scenes" they were still at the getting-to-know-each-other stage.

"What is worst than the agony of being in love?' scene with Sam and his dad. Ang cute. Dad mourning over the loss of his wife. Son experiencing puppy love. Dad and Son building their lives all over again. Then there is Bill Nighy and his manager. Who would you want to spend Christmas with but with the person who was with you through your unknown phase in the music scene to the day your song became #1? Bill might be funny looking and obnoxious but he does love his manager to the hilt.

What about "My happiest part of the day. Driving you home." "The saddest part of my day, leaving you." Mr. Darcy does it again...with Aurelia and her Portuguese dialogues. Love is indeed a universal language. They may speak two different languages but one can not deny the attraction and the feeling and the love. You may have a broken Portuguese translation but what the heck - it is love. Shucks, wish you have a Colin Firth that would actually learn your own language.

After watching the film, I got teary eyed. Well, I was teary eyed in most parts. Sometimes of kilig. Of pity. Of funny scenes.

Love Actually is All Around. 1..2..3..

I feel it in my fingers.I feel it in my toes. Love is all around and so the feeling grows. It's written on the wind. It is everywhere I go....

c")

Isang Tulog na Lang

It is almost Christmas. It may not be as chaotic as the Christmas Eve preparation in Manila but you sure can feel the rush. It is almost Christmas. The good mood people are in, the never ending carols children sing (todo na, ginagabi-gabi kami ng carollers ata. As in the same children!), the 30 minutes-later replies you get from friends when u last sms-ed them, the xmas special every other variety show is showing on tv. It is almost Christmas. Simbang gabi, gifts galore, Christmas wrappers all over the place, busy kitchen. It is almost Christmas. Family, friends, food, giftgiving, and xmas phonecalls. Merry Christmas to all!

Home for the Holidays

At last, I’m finally home for Christmas. There’s no place like home, they say, and it’s really so true. After almost 2 years of spending Christmas away from home, it feels like a better and a lovelier Christmas season for me this year.
It’s been more than 36 hours since I’ve been but it still feels like a dream to me. A very long and good dream.

I intend to enjoy every minute of this vacation. After all, it's really been very toxic for me at work and in school. This is my reward to myself - quality time with family, bonding with friends and "special time" for Paul (whom i feel is a million miles away from me now - compared to the time I'm in MNL when he was only a thousand miles away)...Am I making any sense? Hope so...

Anyway, have a merry Christmas everyone! To hell with dieting (for now)!!!

Kainan at Kantahan

It was a blast. The food. The bucketfull San Mig beer. The 3 hours videoke at Music Match. The dancing and leaping and otso-otso. A party to remember. The photos say it all.

Staff of the Round Table : Evelyn, Agnes, Shirl and Danny

AAP staff and active volunteers Ivy and Ate Fely. (The most "active" volunteers weren't around - Love and Wow)

Let's dance. Tayo'y mag otso-otso...otso-otso..

Three stooges upstaging each other.

Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pipin...kayo ba yan?

c")Love

Excited About

Time to be jolly. Adieu to 04. Welcome 2005. There are things to be excited about...on the last few days of 2004 and for the new year. A rest from the "Backstreet Boys" videoke marathon of the next door neighbor, no job orders from the higher ups, no need to wake up at 5:34 in the morning just to be on time for the 7 am work... and in random order:

1. Home for the holidays. Tell me, who is not excited about this? I get to see my family and cousins and neighbors and neighbors' kids. Endless kwentuhan at lakwatsahan na naman.
2. Reunions. With high school buddies I have not seen for so long, ( Jen, Pen, Six, Cel - handa ya el chika!) pals I met during the UP Jambangan days (Rammyl, quetal ya? Did you greet Gel on her bday? Kats --and Joe finally! Fidelis and Mars) and sci high kids (the last time we saw each other was way back in college..or worse, in high school). Oh man, remember "meant to serve a special breed". This is her most noble deed. Meant to cradle and to nurture youth..blah blah blah?)
3. Tuyo, bulad, pescao seco. Yum yum. Bad for your health if eaten every meal but hey, it's the "freshest" dried fish of all. Makes sense?
4. January. Resolutions. KL (perhaps). Survey (again!) Loads of work and kwento after I get back from the province.
5. UP Fair and February. I hope Shirl and I can drop by one of those alternative nights they have. As in really go inside the venue and head bang. And stuff ourselves with fishballs and kikiam and what-have-U's being sold inside. Maybe cokelight is interested to go with us.
6. My birthmonth and Bora. If this pushes through, this isn't just one of those "drowing" trips shirl, rase and i planned for the umpteenth time. And yes, my birthday. (hint!hint!hint!)
7. Vday. Am I really excited about this? Well, let us wait and see.

c")Love

Isang araw na lang!

One day more and I will be in the "jungle" again...Jungle, as Paul would teasingly coin my province. I'm quite excited to go home after almost 2 years of no homecoming at all.

Top 10 reasons why I am excited:
1. Kinilaw, sinugba, lechon, dinuguan, isda, gulay - all to die for...These are the dishes I didn't get to eat in Manila
2. My Mama Nita, my Nanay Bebing, Toto, Nonoy, Irwin and my extended family of Uncles, Aunties, and hordes of cousins
3. My little cousins - Polven, Leoven, Vina, Em-em and the other lil girls and boys in the neighborhood (s0me are offspring of my kababata's)
4. Time to read again "Tuesdays with Morrie", review "PDL" and "Boy Meets Girl"
5. No phone calls from the Boss/es (well, unless LAM calls me on my cellphone...waah! Hope not)
6. Sunners '93, M&M, Kat and other friends...
7. Misa de Gallo at 4 AM with hot chocolate and puto maya / biko after
8. The beach! The sun! My tan (yikes, negra na ako pag balik)
9. Videoke to death at home
10. Video marathon and tireless channel surfing (finally, I got to see TV. TV at QC apartment was busted for almost a week now)

Happy holidays everyone! Hope you have a lovely one!

Soundtrack of my Life: Songs for Him. Volume 1.

There are songs and songs. Happy tunes that make you cry. Mushy ones that bring a smile to your face. Music when you hear that makes you cringe. These are songs for him.

Awit Para Sa'Yo by Jamie Rivera - Dedicated to my first high school crush. He got the brains and the brawn. Man, what more could you ask for? Jamie's voice and the guitar strings used to haunt me way back.

Only Reminds Me of You by Rick Price - I remember this song so well. The setting, the tension and it was in the afternoon. Unfortunately for me, he was my partner in the final exam of the most difficult subject in high school. We did sang it together while trying to figure out the the unknown angle of a triangle inside a circle.

I've Fallen For You by Jamie Rivera - Someone was singing this song in the Ilang -Ilang lobby while I was discussing my crush to my friend (now bestest friend Shirly). Then it hit me...maybe I've fallen in love. Of course, I didn't, I later realized. This is what I sing everytime I feel the L word.

Baby I Love You Way by Big Mountain - It was his interview, and this was the background music. Richie Ticzon, the guy I put on the pedestal for a long time.

Thank You by Dido - Song for my former flame for he gave me the "best day of my life" everytime we were together. Aww! "and then he called me, and it is not so bad, not so bad"

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman - Everytime I hear this song, it seems I am transported to a New South Wales suburb in Australia with this guy name Matt Whitaker on the driver's seat.

Time After Time by Tuck and Pat - Rhiza used to love this song. Pang now and forever. Makeout song. And don't forget "Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion's" mushy scene..."after all these years, you still take my breath away".

Wherever You Will Go by the Calling - Alex Band and his big voice. First heard in the movie Coyote Ugly. The song I sing to the one who went away.

Best I Ever Had by Vertical Horizon - So he sailed away into a gray sky morning...just like Alex Band's song. Pretty ironic that I love this song but I don't want to say this to the person who broke my heart.

Bilanggo by Rizal Underground - I maybe a late bloomer in liking this song. The acoustic version with Mike Villegas' voice..makes you wanna sigh and die.

Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette - The song that is so outdated. I bet, only a few of those Gen Y know this. Angst ridden but cute. For the guy who treated me like a princess.Held the door for me, opened a can of coke light, and paypayan ka the whole time you were in church. Nyora!

Sad to Belong by England Dan and John Ford Coley - Pretty weird song for my liking since I never got to be in that situation. BUt the first few notes bring tingle to my spine for the reason that this cut reminds me of the grandson of lola pacing in washington street in greenhills. "...Met you on a springtime day, you were minding your life, and I was minding mine too..."

c")Love

more on my prayer list

Next on my prayer list…
For my Mama Nita : to have a better health and more years to live, for her to take care of my future children
For my Nanay Bebing : for continued happiness despite being a single Mom to 4 makukulit children. She’s the best actually. Wish we can give her more.
For my beloved brothers : Toto, Nonoy, and Irwin – for continued happiness also. For more patience in waiting their Manang Ging-ging do the plunge first before they do so. It would take years for them to wait.
For my Tatay : forgiveness – I’ve actually given him that now – unconditionally…
For my Aunties : whose concern for me to get married is as big as the graft and corruption problem in the country. Oh well, hopefully, it would not be a concern in due time.
WNG : Mikey, Lalaine, Ellaine and Baby - for the loveless to finally find their love, and for those with love to continually find peace and inspiration and have the best relationship ever.
My bestest friend Lovella : for Peter Pan to come along. Please Lord, let it be sooner than later…
My other friends and work colleagues : for continued blessings and guidance…and finding happiness which seems a luxury nowadays
For Paul : a better health condition, more blessings (financially, emotionally, and physically) and for him to meet me finally…(ang kapal!)

Lucky 13

13 (i.e. thirteen, trese, treize, labing-tatlo, tredici, etc) is an unlucky number. On the contrary, 13 seems to be a lucky number for me. It was April 13 when he first he said hi to me over YM. May 13 was when he confessed that he likes, and 2 weeks after that, we officially got into the so-called cyber love. I hate to mention Nov. 4 but it was one of the turning points in our lives – the “break”, as what we love to coin that. Another 13 came, Dec. 13, and we’re back in each other’s arms. Back at one, so to speak. It has been hard for both of us but I guess Paul Allen Stewart can’t just resist me, hehehe…what started out as a civil email (during the 5-week break) ended happily. He begged, ahem, no, actually offered more than friendship again. At mag-inarte pa ba ako?! Di ko rin sya matiis, so I said yes…again, for the second time. Love said that I have 2 boyfriends for this year – the same person named Paul. Two boyfriends in one body, except that the new version is more sensitive, more caring, more loving and more attentive. He’s the same sweet Paul I used to love. I thank God for bringing him back to my life. And I hope he’s here for me to keep.

Definitely, hindi ganon kalamig ang Christmas ko (a first for me). Though it’s gonna be miles and miles away (me in jungle Butuan, he in Montreal), I’m sure it would be the loveliest Christmas ever! Me, him, my family and friends, what more can I ask for? Thank you so much Lord for answering my prayers…and now, for the next item on my prayer list…

(To be continued)

``STF

seven 2 four

just when it is so good to sleep at this time of the year, BF (bayani fernando, for you) decided to pronounce a 7 to 4 work scheme for govt employees. hay, naku. no wonder i feel out of this world upon arrival sa office. mega antok pa, and not fully made up. i don't even have the time have a change outfit if ever the dress im wearing sucks. maybe i should think of a better way para di naman ako ma-late. maybe take a bath the night before? or dont take a bath at all?sleep at 8 pm and wake up at 4 am?refrain from going online (since this is the major cause of those late nights). so far, i didn't arrive on time pa. 7:09 last tuesday, 7:02 yesterday. probably on monday, i can hit the jackpot and arrive before 7 am. hahaha, asa pa.

im about to go home. yipee. all the while. i thought i'm gonna spend the holidays here in qc but then...that only means no net, post party (who knows) with mistahcokelight, lazing around the house during the holiday season. what will i do when im in zambo? hmmm, meet up friends like jen and sixto and the rest of the people from science high, exercise to death to fight the bulge (gosh, xmas makes me fatter!), watch endless movies on video, take care of my lola, attend weddings (another one will take the bullet!hehehe) and birthdays and so on and so forth. this season, my mobile fone bill with surely surge up. calls and texts to my bestest friend, holiday greetings over the merlion and darling harbor (well, i don't know a landmark in perth. need to greet sam, maybe he is married already- that cobber!), numerous sms-ing to friends, officemates, former officemates, etc.

it is the time of the year again. long cold nights. endless parties. daming food. getting fat. and i have the flu. darn.

c")Love

Dark Side of Love

there is this essay na may kirot sa puso. the first time i read this, i felt--wow! tagos hanggang buto. as the author wrote, "welcome to the darkside of love"

THE SOUND OF ONE HEART BREAKING by Karen Kunawicz

Ever come across this zen koan that JD Salinger used in one of his books?
You know, the one that asks what is the sound of one hand clapping. I don't know the answer to that one. But ask me what's the sound of one heart breaking and I might have an answer.

Welcome to the dark side of love.

What is the sound of one heart breaking?

It is the sound of someone curled up in a tiny ball crying softly in the night, the sound of the first unwanted teardrop touching your skin, it's the sound of a telephone that doesn't ring, the sound of regret pounding inside your brain with every heartbeat, it's the whispers of the toy animals she gave you.

It's the shuffling of feet walking away from you, the sound of your soul shattering into a million pieces at recognizing the word "goodbye," it's the soundtrack of memories torturing you, it's the sound of feeble hands trying to push back the obstinate hands of time, it's the sound of a cherub's dying breath, the sound of all those years disappearing in the vortex of Cupid's kitchen sink, it's the unrelenting, plaintive baby meows of an abandoned kitten outside an ignoring door.
It's the sound of the rain that doesn't ever stop, the sound of all the doors in the world shutting and closing in your face at the same time, of raging, howling storms in the night when there's no one there to hold you, the sound of your voice as it screams back at you, the echo of "I love you" burning holes in you, the sound your heart makes as it tells you to lie still because nothing you will ever do will matter without love.

The sound of the waves at the polluted beach you went to as it moves from the shore and crashes inside your mind, of the sniffles that make up your pathetic "SOS-to-the-world," the cracking of the brittle black-red petals from the sidewalk vendor roses she gave, the sound of the music she used to make going to your gut.

The sound of things in your room being thrown around and landing on the floor, the caress of sharpened kitchen knives on skin, the sound your throat makes as you swallow your saltiest tear. It's the sound of your own voice calling out to someone who isn't there, of winged creatures dying and falling on a city pavement, of terms of endearment used a hundred times a day struggling to crawl into a vacuum of forgetfulness, it's the sound of your own sobs keeping you company, it's the cold, uncaring stillness of the air you share your space with.

Destruction isn't always as noisy as bombs exploding. Sometimes the ultimate catastrophes are as quiet as feather falling on the floor of a Zen monastery. No one else can really hear your heart breaking except you.

c")Love

SMP (samahanNGmalalamigANGpasko)

xmas is around the corner. hey, it's 9 days before Xday! as usual, everyone turns gooey and mushy. i bet, this is the second event that you wish you have someone to cuddle with on those long cold nights. oh man, im turning into a block of ice sa lamig ng pasko. good thing for sf, it might be freezing over montreal and having a bedweather here but she has someone to keep her warm kahit man lng with those long emails with tc's. i wish there is someone out there who'll give the same attention to me.

there are times, when shirl and i are malling, we come across nice stuff for men. we both sigh and wish we could give it to some guy out there. hay naku, @ this time of the year, there are tons of thingies you wish you could give to that special guy in your life. the prob is, there is only a "dream of someone"..as meg ryan puts it in "you've got mail." oh my!

i sometimes hope that "pasko na sinta ko" won't be played..makes you sigh and wanna cry. oh man, love is in emote mode.

c") Love

those green eyes, that cute scottish accent, those expressive eyes, those hands, the face! (not really handsome, but not a cutie either) - ruggedly handsome. That's my Ewan!

anyway, if you like what you saw, indulge! And for those who just love to hate him, well, there's still a lot of things you need to know about him...

Ewan McGregor - one day, I'll name my son Ewan...or maybe P (?), or even M (?)...in their memory?

Just thinking out loud in here...for now, the question is, magkakaanak nga ba ako?!!

Eternal sunshine

I'm definitely fine without you...or so I thought...

"Eternal Sunshine..." was one of the best movies I saw. Jim Carrey may hopefully win an Oscar for his portrayal of a boring, so straight, and introvert Joel Barrish. His character actually reminds me of...well, it's for you to guess who!

Am I his Clementine? I hope so! For the meantime, I might end up dying my hair orange too...to bring the Clem character maybe?

Shameless plug: if you haven't watched the movie, better watch it (beware of pirates though!)

AAP Xmas Party

some pics during the aap christmas party last dec. 11/2004.

Shirl and Love with the US Ambassador and some members of the AAP Board.

Reg time with Evelyn, Sarah, John, SF, Wow, Agnes and Love

Answer the Phone

nope. it is not sugar ray's song (it is true, i love sugar ray and mark mcgrath). the title is what you utter whenever you call our land line. darn, bayantel! what happened? i ended up not being online last night (as if it makes a difference to the cyberworld). yet my sleeping time didnt change. okey, i did sleep a bit early compared to my past midnight sked. i was just too curious to see who's gonna play billy crawford on MMK. hahaha. yep, for once i did take a peek on the kapamilya channel instead of viewing juliana palermo playing as herself on the "kabilang istasyon." one thing good with a busted phone line (ergo, no internet)- i got to play "same" over and over again trying to beat my old score. oh my...parating na ata si bossing.

who played billy, u wanna know? it is patrick garcia. hmmm..reminds me of that guy back in college...
c") Love

Welcome

Welcome once again...(had to update the date here) Wanna know more about my bestest friend and me? Well, you've come to the right site....

Thanks for the visit....And hopefully, we will see more of you.. Expect writings (trivial or otherwise) from us, our pictures (our vain side is showing), tributes to our friends, lovers (?) and family, and what-have-you's. Hope you enjoy the "emoting" experience with us...and hey, we expect your posts too!

-Shirley

First Timers!

Whoa!!! need to hear from my partner-in-crime/bestest friend in the whole wide world too! Welcome.Welcome.Welcome.

c")Love

Hola!

Welcome to our world...Hope to see you here a lot!
If you have comments or just anything to say, please feel free to do it here...
`Shirl